Top Ten Gym Bugbears
1. Locker Skinflints
That one person who dumps a mountain of their possessions at various stations around the gym because they’re too tight to shove a (refundable) £1 coin into the lockers.
I’m already disorientated getting off the treadmill after 20 minutes, without having to complete an obstacle course of your coat, rucksack and work shoes dotted about the joint!
2. Personal Trainers
They usually approach you whilst you’re unattractively mid-squat or panting like a loon on the treadmill. What first starts off as friendly chit-chat, quickly becomes the hard sell.
From the annoyance of having to pause the Beib' mid-What Do You Mean?, to feigning faux enthusiasm at their back catalogue of results complete with photo album evidence of before & afters.
You quickly conjure up some bullshit excuse that you work shifts so couldn’t possibly commit to a personal training schedule but thank them through gritted teeth for interrupting your workout before they move on to their next victim.
3. Space Invaders
There are approximately 20 treadmills in my regular gym, they’re all empty barr the one I’m using. So why on earth does anyone think it’s acceptable to plonk themselves on the treadmill next to me?!
We’re British. We stay as far away from others as humanly possible unless it's absolutely necessary. Well not in my gym and not when I’m there.
Two strangers of a similar age on kit next to one another.
One ups the ante with a faster speed/incline/weight and the other quickly follows suit before both parties are level 12/100kg/12mph sweating like loons until one begrudgingly gives up and the other retires with a smug look on their exhausted face.
They’re found swanning about in the weighs section in an ill-fitting Tapoout vest from Sports Direct.
It involves sitting on the weights bench in front of the full length mirror and pouting ridiculously at themselves from a variant of angles.
They’ll occasionally stroke their eyebrow, side eye other beefcake members and meander over to the dumbbells to look at the weight selection before returning to the mirror empty-handed for another vanity sesh.
6. Teacher Pet
That one person at the aerobic/Zumba/legs, bums and tums class who’s front and centre and on super friendly terms with the instructor.
They’re there week-in-week-out and boy do they want you to know it. They know all the moves, join in when the instructor is demonstrating despite everyone else in the class just watching.
Not a squat, turn, kick or stretch is out of sync, and they don’t even so much as break a sweat. Bitches.
I know we’re often told to best use gym apparatus by completing reps and to take breaks before each set but don’t just sit hogging the kit whilst you scroll through bleedin’ Facebook.
Get up and let someone else have a turn.
8. Hobbit Feet
I know you should wear whatever you feel comfortable in, but surely those canvas Toms do not qualify as supportive gym-appropriate shoes.
You finish your workout, head to the changing rooms and are confronted by grinning lady who’s towel-less and butt naked.
She's seemingly still mid workout with all the lunges and squats going on. I admire your confidence lady, but not all of us wanna see a hairy muff and thighs just before lunchtime.
10. Vicious Cycle
It’s such an effort to get my arse to the gym, so when I’m actually there and quite enjoy it, I leave feeling positive, happy and productive enthusiastically looking forward to my next session.
So why on earth do I not remember this feeling the next day when I’ve lost all motivation to go again!?
What winds you up about the gym?!